Do You Ever Wonder Why? . . .

I do all the time.  I catch myself daydreaming sometimes about things that have happened, might happen or even things that will never happen.  And I wonder why!  Some things happen in our lives that we will never ever understand why they did.  I daily think of things that have happened and there's no explanation why it did, it just did.  You look at other people sometimes and wonder how they get through things. I have always said it takes a special person to get through that or something to that effect and say, "man, I could never go through what they did."  But I am sure I could.  I always think my little problems are huge until I turn on the news or get a phone call and soon realize that my problem is so very small compared to others.

Two women in the past week have really been on my mind.  One was Catherine Hamil here in OKC that lost her two boys during the last tornado May 24th and then another really young girl only 22 years old in my old hometown, Victoria.  She dozed off and while she slept her two small children and boy (2) and a girl (3) fell into their family pool and drowned.  They showed her picture in the paper and her face was just filled with pain.  I felt so sorry for her it made me cry right in my chair.  It crushed me I was sobbing.  These mom's lives are changed forever.  Their hearts are broken and they will never be repaired.  I don't talk to all of my kids on a daily basis and until all of this has happened I never really thought much about it.  But now there's no wondering why they don't call me and I just grateful that when they get the chance they CAN call me.  These two mom's will never get that phone call.  This is what I mean when I say our problems are small compared to others.  Silly little things sometimes anger us at times and for me it makes me feel like at the time that my whole world is crashing in around me.  It causes my heart to race, makes me think things I normally wouldn't think and I just hate that feeling of uncertainty.  It's the not knowing.

As I get older I tend to look at things a lot differently.  It used to bother me when I didn't hear from someone for a long time or never got a phone call.  Now, that doesn't happen.  Life happens daily for me!  I am happy to have another day and whatever it brings I will deal with it.  Not everyday is perfect for any of us I don't think anyways.  But, I am certain of one thing, I definitely have way, way more good days than bad days.  Not everyone is so fortunate.

I am a private person, I think so anyways.  There's so much I don't say to people.  I wish I could just write all my thoughts down somewhere, but there's not enough paper.  Plus, I would never want anyone to read it if something should happen to me.  I am sure I don't think like you or anyone else does.  Can't explain what I mean by that, but that is the best way I can say it.  There's so many things I like and dislike and I can't say them to people because everyone is so different.  You and I would not and could not possibly agree with everything.  Therefore, we have to keep things to ourselves!  I would not hurt anyones feelings by saying something negative to them, but yet people say things to me all the time.  Not necessarily hurtful things just things that make me say, Wow!   Again, I wonder why.